Fits & Starts

It has been a challenge to write for this newsletter so far. There's the time issue - work, volunteer, social, and family obligations don't stop (thankfully!), and 60 minutes doesn't seem to hold the same value it once had. I'm also trying to expunge writing habits from a previous era of pseudonymous blogging: political hot takes, snark, inside jokes, and chasing clout. Don't get me wrong - I had a great time yukking it up in the 00s and that writing was partially responsible for landing me my job, but it's definitely not the vibe I'm trying to put out now.

I started this newsletter to share what's going on in my life, to make me the subject, and that brings its own set of issues. There's lots of exciting things I'm involved with that I want to talk about and would probably positively gush about in-person or in private communications, but I have to be more sensitive about sharing in a semi-public forum (even one as off the beaten track as our humble Popcorn...). It also feels indulgent to write about myself and the fact that I'm relatively content when each week brings its own new set of horrors. That's something I'm actively working on: my therapist often reminds me that others don't get to define how I feel, and I'm volunteering for a campaign which has "prioritize joy" as one of its central tenets. I fully buy into the idea that joy is resistance, but there's always the voice in the back of my head asking, "But do they mean my joy?"

Underneath all of this is the simple truth that writing about myself makes me really uncomfortable. I'm trying to overcome a lifetime of trying to shield my interior life from exposure and making myself vulnerable and to shed the self-doubt that continually gnaws at me. It's easy for me to write about issues at arm's length and hide behind "sober" analysis or quick quips for cheap laughs. It's a lot harder say what I'm feeling, what brings me happiness and causes me pain. There's the occasional, irrational fear of rejection and the lingering trace of imposter syndrome. I want to keep up this project to help me push through and continue to open up, but it's hard. There's been hours of writing that have ended up in the trash bin because of these doubts.

To reiterate - I'm relatively content! I'm not in some depressive cycle, I know my worth, and getting older is providing me with a delightful sense of not having to give a fuck about each and every little thing. Writing for people who I know care about me gives me a sense of security in being able to continue the work of opening up, and I'm incredibly grateful to all of you who've chosen to have my sporadic ramblings show up in your inboxes. Trying something new is difficult (especially when it involves doing things I've been avoiding for a large chunk of my life), and I'll get better at it over time.

Sharing is Caring

A couple of you have asked about sharing my writing with others, and that is totally ok by me, although I would ask that you not share it on platforms owned by Meta, on X, or on Bluesky. If you've gotten weird enough to join the Fediverse (Mastodon, Pixel, etc. - ask me how), that's a perfectly cromulent place to share. And if you're in touch with mutual acquaintances who might want to get back in touch, please send them to the homepage to sign up!

Work/Life Balance

I am very fortunate to have employment in the labor movement that I'm proud of, find fulfilling, and that aligns with my values. That said, it's still a job, and I do my best to not think about it once working hours are over. I definitely do not want to spend my time writing about it. However, sometimes there's something significant worth reporting and commenting on, and now is one of those times: we recently launched a campaign on affordability that aims to provide our members with tools to manage their finances (starting with resources for dealing with medical debt, the leading cause of bankruptcy in the United States) while agitating them to engage in our work to address the political and structural roadblocks that are forcing people into debt and to the brink of ruin. It's a very ambitious campaign that builds on our work on student debt, which I've also been working on for the last 15 (!!!) years.

It's important work that has the potential to transform our members' lives in the short term, and if we haven't completely foreclosed on the means to affect social change at scale, it could be even more transformative in the long run. That said, if my work on student debt is any indicator (and it is), it's coming with an emotional toll. People infrequently get in touch with me for good news (and I treasure those calls); rather, we're contacted by people in various states of despair, and on the rare nights where I lose sleep thinking about work, it's because I spoke with someone at the end of their rope with no clear way to help them. Additionally, the work is a constant reminder of the my own financial issues, which to be clear are far from catastrophic, but like most people in the United States, one emergency could throw a wrecking ball through what I've been able to build.

New Drip (protection)

My old raincoat dates back over 20 years to when I bought it from the REI in Eugene. As I thought about my next purchase, I knew I wanted something reflective for biking. Boy howdy did Bike Lane Uprising have me covered. If I'm ever hit by a car at night, you can 100% accuse the driver of aiming for me.

Musical Notes

Sarah and I got to catch an amazing show at Rhizome, our local DIY venue last week, featuring 80s Downtown NYC (and currently Seattle-based) jazz heavy Wayne Horvitz, bassoon "pioneer" Sara Schoenbeck, and DC guitar hero Anthony Pirog. Over two sets (the first featuring just Horvitz and Schoenbeck), we were treated to spacey, conversational improvisations, daring compositions, and novel sounds in Rhizome's intimate performance space (yeah, that's a living room they're playing in). We're incredibly privileged to have such an amazing venue that attracts everyone from the local punk kids and ambient soundscapists to world-class performers like these cats. Such a special night, an early front-runner for "show of the year," and we were home by 9:30 taboot.

Speaking of Pirog, one of his (many, many) other bands, the Messthetics (where he's joined by the former Fugazi rhythm section of Joe Lally (bass) and Brendan Canty (drums) and featuring the phenomenal saxophonist James Brandon Lewis) just dropped a new album, Deface the Currency. Building on extensive touring together, the studio release finds the band tighter, more confident, and exuding an energy that manages to be both playful and furious. They're a stellar live act, and if they're going to be in your neck of the woods this spring, I highly recommend taking the time to check them out.

Finally, it appears that the Bandcamp embed that I dropped in here for my Emergency Group recommendation last time around didn't translate into the email newsletter, so I wanted to make sure you had the means to check them out - your ears will thank you.

Thanks for reading! Say hi if you're so inclined! [I just noticed that Ghost just integrated a new comment moderation system that seems to have hidden the comments, so hopefully that will be debugged before this gets published.]